Sometimes itmay be necessarily for a third party to lookat the relationship to see if they can be of any assistance. Very often it is just a matter of "lending an ear" and listening to what is said. A sympathetic shoulder to cry on is often just what is needed if the spouse is not willing to listen. Sometimes just being in a position to be able to off-load some anxiety and emotions can help a couple in the midst of trying to get their marriage repaired.
Because the parameters are not always know in these kind of situations, care has to be exercised. A woman getting herself to too involved in a marital problem will may be veiwed as "relationship gate crasher" by most husbands. He may start to feel as if there is "now two against one". Even if the wrongs are proved corrected, there is a high possibility he will never veiw the friend in the same way again.
That is why discretion and confidentiality has to be given a high level importance. If you are not mindfull it can be very easy to step over the line, accidently creating more damage than was originally present. The only time that it is a good idea to intervene is when there is obvious proof that he is the main cause of the dispute. If it becomes blatantly obvious that the husband is the primary reason behind what is transpiring then a friend can be of assistance to the wife. However, this is never going to work for man. In the past when woman have tried to help by consoling a man, unfortunately she has sometimes been seen as someone who is trying to break the relationship up. And then the situation can change from "how to save my marriage" to the false claims of "how to survive an affair" which of course is quite stupid, but never the less happends
The safest way forward is for the friend to suggest the troubled couple get marriage counseling. Only by contacting and employing an outsider with no a vested interest in either members will bring stability once again. But even a deciision as sensitive as this needs to be carefully considered. If a woman is the cause for any unsettlement in the relationship then a male counselor might be a more suited alternative. If the wife has had a transgression with another man, then perhaps a female counselor would set the husband more at ease.
The end analysis, if you have found yourself in the dilemma of having to ask a friend to" help me get my relationship back together", then what ever your friend does to help has got to be done in the strictest confidence, becuase if things go wrong then on day you may well be asking them "How to win back your ex" because of a complete
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